Episode 32: Gooby

Gooby is by far the most nonsensical movie this podcast has ever encountered.

This 2009 Canadian motion picture is about a boy named Willy (slang for "weiner") who suffers from hallucinations, looks exactly like Winona Ryder, has parents who clearly despise him, and has a not-so-imaginary friend in the form of a seriously grotesque, frumpy giant bear-thing. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

So hop in your space kart, cancel your Baltimore business trip, and grab a handful of Canadian cookies as we try to make sense of this absolute mess of a movie.
♪Just a little bit closer.♪

♪Just a little bit closer.

Episode 31: Speed 2: Cruise Control

That's right! Speed 2. As in the sequel to the 1994 mega-hit Speed.

This sequel has all the key ingredients of the original except instead of focusing on a bus that's forced to move fast or else it'll explode, this movie takes place on a cruise ship that's NOT rigged to blow and that moves very, very, very slow...and even comes to a complete stop! Oh, and Keanu Reeves isn't in it. But other than that, it's exactly like the original that you know and love.

Join us as we try to unravel the logistics of contracting copper poisoning from computer waves, the reason why this movie is so damn focused on Sandra Bullock's character trying to pass her driver's exam, the exact meaning of "ship-shopping" and the untold story of the villain's day-to-day corporate grind as a cruise ship software developer.

Special thanks to Owen Geoghegan for picking this week's bad movie!!

Episode 30: The Best Of: Volume 1

WWSYDHT presents a very special "Best Of" compilation!

Join us for bad movie highlights across space and time. From prehistoric film flops of Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas to the slapstick 60's of Grease 2, all the way into the lackluster space age future of Pluto Nash and many, many more.

Twenty-nine times we've watched so that you don't have to, so settle in for just a few of our favorite moments so far!

Episode 29: The Fox and the Hound 2

Bust out the kleenexes cause this episode we're watching the second installment of the childhood tearjerker The Fox and the Hound!

Tune in as we solve the mystery of where puppies come from, hypothesize about Copper and Tod's lost teenage years, and expand the listener's horizons with a little lesson on the lesser-known "midquel." Plus there's plenty of G-rated rump-shaking and oh so many country songs to share.
"What stinks?" "I do....I had socks for lunch."

"What stinks?"
"I do....I had socks for lunch."

Episode 28: The Ridiculous 6

Adam Sandler fulfills a childhood dream by playing Cowboys and Indians with his pals and manages to offend everyone along the way! It's the Netflix-only release of the "comedy" western The Ridiculous 6!

Tune in as we hatch a plot to get into the Happy Madison movie-making party gang, reveal what all the actresses Adam Sandler casts in his movies have in common, and decide once and for all whether we're Team Edward or Team Jacob.
Adam Sandler plays a totally believable cowboy alongside Taylor Lautner from the Twilight saga.

Adam Sandler plays a totally believable cowboy alongside Taylor Lautner from the Twilight saga.

Episode 27: Now You See Me 2

What’s more badass than a biker gang, cooler than a rock star and sexier than a supermodel? A magician, duh! At least that’s what the Now You See Me franchise seems to believe.

Join us as we debunk this dumbfounding sequel filled with illogical plot twists and unbelievable “magical” stunts. Tune in to find out how long Mark Ruffalo’s dad can hold his breath underwater, why Harry Potter looks so damn tired in this movie and learn how to crack an FBI case using pigeon facial recognition.
Whoa! Jesse Eisenberg can freeze time! Wait....no, looks like it's just a strobe light illusion...

Whoa! Jesse Eisenberg can freeze time! Wait....no, looks like it's just a strobe light illusion...

Episode 26: Skiptrace

Hey look at that! It’s a movie on Netflix starring Jackie Chan and Johnny Knoxville. And it’s new. That could be good. Or at least funny! WRONG. Trust us. We watched so you don’t have to!

Skiptrace is like Rush Hour. Except swap comic relief police officer Chris Tucker for a not quite likable cowboy, gambler, grifter played by Johnny Knoxville. And then water down all the cool action scenes. And remove the funny parts. And make the plot incomprehensible. That’s Skiptrace! Tune in to find out just how wacky and messed up this movie really is. Plus you’ll find out the meaning of “horse apples” and “ding-ding.” And you’ll even get to hear Jackie Chan singing an Adele song. For real.
"If it wasn't for me, you'd be mopin' around your apartment, eating ramen, reading Alpaca Daily."

"If it wasn't for me, you'd be mopin' around your apartment, eating ramen, reading Alpaca Daily."

Episode 25: Dreamcatcher

How do you take a horror novel from the genre’s preeminent author and turn it into an accidental comedy? Dreamcatcher, that’s how!

This 2003 movie based on the 2001 Stephen King novel of the same name is one weird, wild ride. Join us as we try to piece together the individual life cycles of an alien race and attempt to decode the movie’s secret made up language that includes slang terms like clinker, thumper, fuckaroo, jobba-nobba, SSDD and so many other interesting gems. Oh and we end up having to talk about poop monsters quite a bit. We promise it was unavoidable given the movie’s plot.

You really do not want to miss this episode of We Watch So You Don’t Have To!

Episode 24: Suicide Squad

Earth is threatened. The head of a powerful agency must assemble a rag-tag team of unlikely heroes to save the world from...an asteroid. Wait no, that's Armageddon. In Suicide Squad they need to save the world from an ancient Egyptian undead mummy, not an asteroid. But the rest is the same.

Join us as we recount the wacky one-liners, analyze whether all these villains are additive or even necessary to complete the mission and uncover the startling revelation that this same plot played out in the 1998 mega motion picture, Armageddon.

You'll laugh like Jared Leto's Joker. You'll cry like Harley Quinn. You'll spontaneously combust in a burst of flames like Diablo. Just kidding about that last part.


Episode 23: Santa with Muscles

'Tis the season...for Santa to literally kick some ass! This week we watched Santa with Muscles starring wrestling legend/thespian laughingstock Hulk Hogan.

This movie is your traditional Christmas tale of a psychotic, millionaire bodybuilder who gets amnesia, thinks he's Santa Claus and fist fights evil scientists in search of magic underground crystals. Seriously. That's the movie.

Join us as we discuss the pros and cons of amnesia, contemplate the appropriate food to serve at an orphanage and battle the elements as we record from a brand new location for the very first time!

Episode 22: Waterworld

We watched Waterworld starring the man, the myth, the mutant...Kevin Costner. Speaking of Kevin Costner, in this movie he has webbed feet, wears seashell earrings, beats women with oars, throws children overboard AND drinks his own pee. And yet, he's the film's hero. Suffice to say things get a little weird in Waterworld.

Join us as we discuss the mysteries of SPAM, the merits of maps in tattoo form, an unscientific take on the science of atmospheric temperature at altitude and of course, the dynamics of drinking your own urine.

Episode 21: Glitter

This episode brought to you by Goldschlager. Goldschlager: the only alcoholic beverage with real bits of glitter in it. Mmm mmm good.

Glitter the movie stars Mariah Carey and features an almost non-existent plot. In fact, our favorite part of this movie is the editing and the transitions between scenes. That's how bad it is. And yet, with so little to work with, we've still managed to deliver an out of this world episode.

Tune in as we discuss utterly unrealistic nightclub interactions, the not so subtle differences between glitter and confetti, and stumble into an absolutely jaw-dropping pop music industry secret.
I think I just went "shooby-dooby-doo-whoa-ohhhh" in my pants.

I think I just went "shooby-dooby-doo-whoa-ohhhh" in my pants.

Episode 20: I Know Who Killed Me

We've got a horrible horror movie just in time for Halloween!

Lindsay Lohan stars as a sweet, smart, talented, good girl on her way to Yale in the Fall. Or, is she actually a fiery, chain smoking, gives no fucks, down on her luck stripper?

Join us as we try to make sense of this mess of a movie. Oh and there's an in-podcast drinking game inspired by the movie, plus some character improvisation that brings to light some truly startling revelations!
That's how we feel about this movie.

That's how we feel about this movie.

Episode 19: Cell

We're THRILLED to present Episode 19 - Cell, the brand new "thriller" that went straight to Video on Demand.

Imagine a world where everyone turns into zombies when they talk on their cell phones. That's Cell. See, it's sort of a metaphor for how constant connectivity in the modern age is turning people into figurative zombies. Liiiiiiiikke whhhooooooaaaaa....right? Good thing mega stars Samuel L. Jackson and John Cusack are here to save the day!

Tune in as we reveal the movie's most popular line of dialogue (spoiler alert - it's "Yeah") and get into character to improv a scene that maybe, sort of happened in the actual movie. You definitely don't want to watch this movie, but that's why We Watch So You Don't Have To!
Don't make a call on your cell phone because you'll turn into a zombie!!! You can text, though. Texting is totally fine.

Don't make a call on your cell phone because you'll turn into a zombie!!! You can text, though. Texting is totally fine.

Episode 18: Kangaroo Jack

Put another shrimp on the barbie cause we've got a bloody bonzer episode for you blokes.

This week we watched the 2003 dud Kangaroo Jack, starring several actors you'll probably recognize but wouldn't be able to name! Oh and also Christopher Walken.

Join us as we discuss this family friendly romp of a comedy that features mafia hits, burglary, grand theft auto, the near drowning of a child, and non-stop cruelty to Australia's national animal!
This movie has "PG" written all over it.

This movie has "PG" written all over it.

Episode 17: Nine Lives

Uh oh. Andrew and Ryan drink a box of wine and things get a bit tense. Reminiscent of the time in Episode 6 when Andrew threatened to start his own podcast, only this time it's Ryan who's had enough.

But fear not! There are still plenty of laughs including some impromptu beat poetry, a plethora of pet puns and deep thoughts on life as a cat.

Join us as we discuss this absolutely mind-boggling new film starring Kevin Spacey, Christopher Walken and Jennifer Garner. WWSYDHT presents Nine Lives!
It's funny 'cause cats hate baths!

It's funny 'cause cats hate baths!

Episode 16: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Wow. Where do we even begin? Jon Voight delivers a truly cringe-worthy performance as a baby-hating villain whose faux-German accent provides plenty of unintended entertainment.

There's scene after eye roll-inducing scene where karate-fighting kids take down hapless henchmen. Plus, you've got cameos by Whoopi Goldberg, George Bush, and a star-studded, chart-topping boy band...you'll just have to listen to the podcast to find out who!

Trust me. You do not want to miss this episode of We Watch So You Don't Have To!
No babies were harmed or even featured in this movie.

No babies were harmed or even featured in this movie.

Episode 15: Independence Day: Resurgence

We're all fired up and the f-bombs are flying because this movie is pure cookie-cutter, copycat, mindless sequel, crap.

It's got Bill Pullman. It's got Jeff Goldblum. It's got a Hemsworth brother. It even stars Will Smith's son (in the movie - I ain't talkin bout the rich one).

But none of that can save this doomed doomsday flick. Tune in to find out what the critics already tried to warn you about...this movie is truly We Watch, So You Don't Have To!
That is one big pile of shit.

That is one big pile of shit.

Episode 14: Crossroads

Meet us at the Crossroads for Episode 14 where we dive into the 2002 "film" starring THE Britney Spears.

It's the classic tale of three high school girls who used to be friends, but aren't anymore, spontaneously going on a road trip across the country with a man they don't know. There's singing into silverware. There's simple-minded Southerners. There's a shitty, sad Dan Akroyd. There's sexual tension and actual sex. This episode has it all!
"I don't know how to drive, y'all!"

"I don't know how to drive, y'all!"

Episode 13: Grease 2

WWSYDHT reminds you that it's not just new movies you should avoid. Even the 80's had its low points. Like Grease 2! The unnecessary sequel that swaps John Travolta for a British exchange student who has to battle a SUPER lame T-Bird "gang" to win the heart of bad-boy biker loving Michelle Pfeiffer.

There's choreographed bowling alley dance parties. There's morally questionable secual advances. There's a climax building school-wide talent show. What more could you ask for in a belly flopping sequel?
This burger is grease-y...

This burger is grease-y...